Anger Management for Kids: A comprehensive review of strategies and advice to help kids develop anger management skills + Free PDF “Anger Management for Kids” including all the tips shared in this post
Being a parent is never an easy task. And our parenting job gets even harder when kids struggle with challenging behavior, anger issues, lack of impulse control or underdeveloped coping skills.
The underlying reasons may be varied, but there are a number of strategies that can help our children develop coping skills, improve behavior and appropriately express their anger.
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What is Anger Management for Kids?
Anger management for kids is a process that allows children to learn to:
- recognize when they are starting to feel angry
- express their feelings in appropriate ways and,
- develop strategies that allow them to calm down, solve their problems or cope with their feelings.
The Absolutely Best 37 Tips for Anger Management with Kids
The advice I will be sharing on anger management for kids can be split into two big categories:
- Tips that focus on us, parents. Advice that will revolve around our parenting styles and the know-how we need to develop in order to be able to coach our kids through their struggles
- Tips that focus on our kids. Specific actions or strategies that will help them cope better with big emotions.
You will be able to download at the end of this post an “Anger Management for Kids” pdf that includes all 36 tips shared in this post plus bonus content (printable anger management activities with pictograms / visual clues)
There is an important reason to write about parents first.
One characteristic of therapeutic intervention in childhood is that it usually focuses on modifying the way parents or adults interact with the child.
Research has shown that our parenting styles affect our children’s development.
An authoritative parenting style that balances control with clear limits but allows exploration, and is responsive, warm and nurturing, is considered the best parenting approach.
It helps kids develop high self-esteem, high social competence and optimal academic performance (Baumrind, 1975).
Positive Parenting is probably a better-known term for this type of approach these days.
No matter which one you favor, they are mostly overlapping concepts.
Taking into consideration the best practices recommended in these parenting styles, these are some behavior management tips that will be a foundation for our anger management strategy:
1. Be responsive, affectionate, warm.
Show them that it’s okay to express emotions and that you’re there to help them understand and manage their feelings.”
2. Establish clear, firm, and fair limits
Make sure they understand what is expected of them before emotions escalate. Explain why the rules are in place, emphasizing that they are fair and reasonable. Be consistent in enforcing them; sticking to clear expectations helps your child feel secure and learn to manage their behavior.
⇒ Learn how to set good house rules and limits.
3. Don´t create rules just for the sake of having rules.
Make sure rules make sense. Good rules:
- Keep them safe by preventing harmful behaviors and protecting them from danger.
- Teach them values, such as respect, honesty, and empathy, which guide their decisions.
- Help them thrive by fostering self-discipline, responsibility, and confidence.
- Help them live in society by teaching social skills, cooperation, and how their actions affect others. It also shows them appropriate ways to express emotions and handle frustration without lashing out.
And be ready to explain and make them understand why those rules are necessary.
4. Praise positive and appropriate behaviors
- Do it immediately after behaviors happen: This reinforces the connection between their action and the praise, making it more effective in encouraging those behaviors to be repeated.
- Praise when other people are present: Public recognition boosts self-esteem and reinforces the idea that good behavior is valued by both you and others.
5. Apply consequences to unwanted behaviors.
Always try to understand the underlying reasons for their behavior. But when an unacceptable behavior happens:
- Consequences should be calm and consistent, helping your child understand that certain actions lead to specific outcomes.
- Make sure the consequences are fair and proportionate to the behavior so that they see it as a learning opportunity rather than a punishment.
- Focus on teaching, not punishing. Guide them toward better choices in the future while reinforcing that their emotions are valid, even if their actions need improvement.
6. Consider natural and logical consequences (without adult intervention).
For example, your kid forgets to bring home his school homework. You don´t WhatsApp another parent to get a copy. He goes to school the following day and deals with whatever consequence the teacher decides (I know, it is an example, I would probably WhatsApp another parent myself!!)
7. Be consistent.
If we aren’t consistent, the child won’t know what to expect, making it harder to learn boundaries and manage their behavior.
8. Verbalize rules in a positive way.
It´s better to use a “do” instead of a “don’t”
- Instead of saying, ‘Don’t run inside,’ try saying, ‘Please walk inside to stay safe.’
- Instead of ‘Don’t yell,’ say, ‘Use your calm voice when talking.’
9. Promote their independence.
It is good to have rules, but make sure there is room for exploration.
⇒ No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind
Try Audible for FREE HERE. ⬇️
Specific Anger Management Tips:
10. Be their role model.
What does it mean to model appropriate anger management skills?
- Verbalize your feelings.
They will not be able to know that you also go through the same type of emotions unless you share it with them. - Verbalize those feeling in an acceptable way
- Show them how you cope with your feelings.
- If you lose your temper, apologize and show them how you could have done it better
11. Understand Anger Yourself.
It will not be easy to try to teach your kids anger management if you don’t have some basic understanding of this emotion yourself.
12. Seek professional help.
If your kids’ anger management problems are difficult to manage you need to seek professional help.
Tantrums and meltdowns may be absolutely normal.
But there are also cases in which those episodes are very intense or happen too often.
Your doctor will also assess if they are developmentally appropriate.
Some of the reason why aggressive behaviors may be present can be:
- Learning disabilities
- Autism
- ADHD
- Sensory processing issues
- Anxiety
You need professional help to assess if there is an underlying problem that requires specific interventions.
13. Track Behavior
Use a behavior chart to track your child behavior. It will help you make some assumptions on what is causing and maintaining the problems.
14. Find time to talk to your child.
You may think you talk to your child all the time. But, it would be best if you made time for nice quality time when you can talk about the things that happen in their lives.
It can be as simple as creating a bedtime routine where you spend a few minutes chatting about how their day went.
Behaviors communicate messages. Anger is also a sign that there is a problem somewhere, so find opportunities to explore what may be going on.
15. Talk about emotions.
Talking about emotions helps kids:
- Build an emotional vocabulary ⇒ Learn how to help your child build an emotional vocabulary
- Recognize different emotions in others and themselves
- Be comfortable expressing a range of different emotions.
16. Talk to your child about anger, specifically.
Now that you have educated yourself about anger, you can also help your child understand anger. This strategy has worked really well for us. It provides a “reason why” for all those unwanted feelings and sensations.
These are some of the things I’ve explained to my kids:
- Anger is not bad. It is just a useful emotion.
- Anger has a function: your body is telling you that something is bothering you.
- When I feel angry, I may feel irritable, tense, and anxious. I may also have negative thoughts.
- We all feel angry sometimes. Mum and Dad also feel angry sometimes (and we all share examples of situations in which we felt angry)
- We can learn ways that help us control our anger
- Sometimes we will need to solve a problem.
- Some other times we will not be able to fix what is bothering us, or we will not know exactly what is causing these feelings. In those cases, we can still learn ways that help us control our anger.
17. Develop a feelings vocabulary.
Tip: We love our Emotions Flashcards. We often use them to talk about feelings and expand our emotions vocabulary.
18. Teach your child to label their feelings.
Start by labeling your own feelings. By labeling our feelings, we are teaching our kids how to label their own feelings.
19. Teach your child to recognize their anger signs.
Help them identify the physical and emotional cues that signal rising anger, such as clenched fists, a racing heart, or feeling hot.
Encourage them to pause and notice these signs before their anger escalates. By becoming aware of these early signals, they can take steps to calm down before losing control.
More on this topic: “How to Teach Kids about Anger Signs” (this post provides a comprehensive list of anger signs and free downloadable anger worksheets for kids)
20. Help your child express their feelings.
A visual scale or an “anger thermometer” is great to help them develop emotional talk.
It provides kids with clues that help them express the intensity of an emotion, feeling or sensation (anxiety, anger, pain …).
- Emotions Chart: How to Use a Feelings Thermometer Effectively
- 11 Anger Thermometers (Printable PDF)
- Mood Charts for Kids (Mood Trackers)
21. Understand anger triggers and discuss them with your child.
Most common anger triggers include frustration, tiredness, being hungry, stopping an activity that they enjoy or anxiety.
It is very useful for both, you and your kid, to be able to identify those triggers and act upon them.
More on this topic: “Anger Triggers in Kids: Helping your Child Identify & Deal with Anger Triggers- Worksheets Included”
22. Prevent the situation.
Once you understand the triggers, you may be able to prevent some of the explosions. Some examples could be:
- Feed your kids earlier if being hungry makes them grumpy
- Get them to bed earlier if fatigue is a trigger.
And if you can’t completely avoid the situation, you may still be able to implement some distraction tactics when you see an outburst about to start:
- Change scene
- Change the conversation topic
- Tickles
- Ask about a favorite topic
- Tell a funny story
23. Teach your kids the role their “thoughts” may play in becoming angry.
Often, what happens does not make us angry; our thoughts about the situation do.
This is an example below to illustrate the role our thoughts play in our anger.
My brother has taken my toy. It makes me want to play with it:
- Scenario 1: I think, “Billy is always taking my toy, and I never have it when I want to play with it. I want it now!”
- Scenario 2: I think, “I had not even remembered about that toy. I’ll play “Snakes & Ladders” with Dad and ask Billy to pass it to me for a turn when I finish with Dad.”
That was the same situation, but my thoughts didn’t make me angry in the second one.
24. Allow your child to be angry.
Anger is a useful emotion and it is ok to be angry. It is just a message that tells your kid that there is a problem to be solved. Allow them to be angry and use that situation to help them learn coping skills.
25. Establish anger rules
Being angry is ok, but this anger needs to be expressed in appropriate ways. Teach your kid the do’s and don’ts:
- Hitting and hurting are not appropriate ways to express anger.
- Expressing it with words, leaving the room and looking for a place to be alone are appropriate ways to express anger.
26. Teach substitute behaviors.
Help your child find healthy ways to express their anger instead of responding in unhelpful ways.
- Encourage them to burn off negative energy through physical activities like walking, jumping, or squeezing a stress ball.
- Teach them calming techniques such as deep breathing or counting to ten, or
- Help them practice using words to express their feelings, like saying ‘I’m upset because…’ instead of yelling or hitting.
How do you start a conversation about feelings?
A good number of the tips we have just gone through mention emotions (talking about feelings, labeling and expressing them). But sometimes we just don´t know where to start. For me, a kids’ book can be the easiest and most fun way to do it. And when it comes to books about feelings, I have an all-time favorite: “The Color Monster”.
The Color Monster is one of the most beautiful books I´ve ever had in my hands. And it is also an amazing vehicle to initiate a conversation about emotions and how to identify them. The pop-up version is simply gorgeous and kids just love it. (check out the book reviews below, I´m not the only one loving it!)
27. Teach problem-solving
Anger may be a signal that a problem needs to be solved.
However, some kids have not developed problem-solving abilities.
You could work on developing your kid´s problem-solving abilities by helping him:
- Identify a problem and describe it
- Generate alternatives
- Predict consequences for those alternatives
- Choose the alternative that best solves the problem
- Action it.
Other Problem-Solving Resources: Fun Problem-Solving for Kids (Worksheets)
28. Teach a Variety of Calming Techniques
Sometimes our kids will be angry and they will not be able to solve the underlying problem. Or else, they will not know why they are feeling that way.
In those cases, we will need to develop a range of coping skills.
Calming techniques will be an essential part of your anger management strategy.
Once you have taught and practiced a range of calming techniques, you will be able to identify which ones work better for your kid and focus on those ones.
Calming techniques may include:
- Breathing exercises- For kids I specifically recommend Lazy 8 Breathing, an easy and “portable” breathing exercise that always works wonders for us. You can read more about it in “Breathing Exercises for Kids: Lazy 8 Breathing”
- Moving into another situation – Abandoning the setting where the anger outburst is happening and moving into a calm place or a pleasant activity
- Break cards can be a helpful tool when kids need to take a break and move away from the anger-triggering situation.
- Physical exercise- “Burning energy” and focusing on a physical activity unrelated to the anger situation (jumping, running)
- Expressing it through drawing or writing
- Swapping bad thoughts for good thoughts.
- Using your imagination. Imagining a calm place, imagining that a shield protects you from your bad thoughts, imagining that you flush your bad thoughts down the toilet.
- Yoga for kids and mindfulness exercises (These animal yoga poses are a great way to start kids on yoga practice)
You will be able to download at the end of this post an “Anger Management for Kids” pdf that includes:
- All 36 Anger Management for Kids tips shared in this post
- 30 Anger Management Activities for Kid booklet, where each activity is supported by a pictogram or a visual clue. It includes lots of the calming techniques mentioned above.
29. Practice those skills while your child is calm and happy
The best time to teach calming strategies is when your child is not already upset.
When they are calm and happy, they are more open to learning and practicing new skills. And when anger starts to build, these calming techniques would have become more familiar and automatic.
30. Don’t try to “reason” during a tantrum or a meltdown.
When a child is in the middle of a meltdown, their emotions are overwhelming, and they’re unable to listen or think logically.
Instead of reasoning with them, focus on calming them down first by offering comfort, using soothing words, or giving them space to cool off.
Once they’re calm, you can talk about what happened and teach them better ways to handle their feelings next time.
31. Create a Calming Routine.
Do you remember how you created a sleeping routine when your kids were little? And how some cues from the environment would help to ease them into sleep. Your calming routine may have the same effect.
Just to give you a personal example.
We have been using a “feeling thermometer” to help my son express his feelings.
We often resort to that visual scale when he is feeling angry.
As a result, the simple act of grabbing this feeling thermometer already exerts a calming effect on him.
He knows he is a step closer to being able to share how he is feeling. And he is confident that he will get the help he needs to alleviate anxiety or anger.
32. Calming Toys & Products Kit
If there are some toys or products that have proven useful to help your kid relieve his/her anxiety, create a stress relief kit and have it at hand (fidget spinner, a vibrating pillow, a flowing sand panel, a sensory bottle).
Related reading:
- How to use fidgeting devices with students with ADHD.
- How to prepare a calming box for the classroom or home.
Some other examples of calming resources:
- ideal for applying deep, even pressure to many sensitive areas of the body
- rock side-to-side for a calming and soothing effect
- excellent tool for calming down and blocking out sensory input, or
- for getting vestibular input from spinning.
- providing calming/organizing deep pressure input
- developing motor planning, spatial, and body awareness
- great for Autistic & Sensory Processing Disorders
33. Challenge automatic negative thoughts and rigid thinking.
Show your child how you can replace negative thoughts (e.g. I can´t do anything right”) with positive thoughts (e.g. This is difficult to do, but it may be a fun challenge)
34. Teach Social Skills.
It may be interesting to help your child improve a range of social skills, for example:
- How to request somebody to stop a behavior
- Problem-solving in social situations
- Conversational skills
Related Reading:
35. Ensure Safety During Escalation
If the anger escalates and you’re concerned about the safety of your child or others, take immediate action. Either remove your child from the situation or, if possible, safely separate the other kids. This prevents harm and gives your child a chance to cool down in a more controlled environment. Once they’re calm, you can address the situation and work on calming strategies.
36. Learn how to safely hold your child to prevent harm to himself and to others.
If anger leads into dangerous situations for your child or others (head-banging, biting, scratching) you will need to use safe holds.
I advise seeking a trained professional to teach you how to use safe holds for crisis intervention.
37. Medication.
Although pharmacologic intervention may not be the first choice of treatment, it may be required in some cases like:
- crisis intervention
- short-term treatments
- underlying conditions.
Atypical antipsychotics like risperidone are often used in aggressive behavior. Your health specialist is the only one who can guide you on this.
One last very important tip.
I hope you are closer now to enjoying your calm child. I’ve tried to create a comprehensive review of tips and strategies to guide your anger management strategies for kids. If you can think of anything else, please, share it with us in the comments below.
Anger Resources for Teens
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Do you need some extra help with anger management and self-regulation strategies?
Don’t leave before downloading your FREE “Anger Management for Kids” booklet! It contains all the useful tips I’ve shared in this post + the “30 Anger Management Activities for Kids” booklet with pictograms/visual clues.
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Anger management for kids is really challenging. As a parent I struggle a lot because my child get angry very easily. Whenever he is angry it becomes difficult for me to control the situation.