Assertive communication helps kids express what they think, feel, want, and need clearly while also respecting other people. It can help them speak up for themselves, set boundaries, ask for what they need, and handle everyday social situations.
In this post, we’ll explore 10 practical assertive communication skills for kids, with simple examples you can use at home, in the classroom, or during counseling sessions.
At the end of the post, you can also download a free Assertive Communication Checklist for Kids.
Want a ready-to-use assertive communication activity pack? Get the Assertive Communication Workbook for Kids, a comprehensive printable resource including 80+ pages of worksheets, activities, real-life practice, and 10 practical assertive communication skills. No prep needed, just print and go!
Communication Styles: Assertive vs. Passive vs. Aggressive
There are different ways of describing communication styles. For kids, it can be helpful to start with three broad styles: passive, aggressive, and assertive communication.
- Passive communication can mean not speaking up clearly for yourself. A child might stay quiet when something bothers them, agree when they don’t really agree, or give in instead of saying what they want or need.
- Aggressive communication means speaking up without respecting the other person. It might include shouting, insulting, threatening, interrupting, or trying to get your way without considering the other person’s feelings or needs.
- Assertive communication means speaking up for yourself clearly while also respecting the other person.
These are communication styles, not types of children. The same child might communicate assertively in one situation, stay quiet in another, and respond aggressively when they are angry or overwhelmed.
What Is Assertiveness?
Assertiveness is the ability to express your thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and boundaries clearly and respectfully.
For kids, we can make that much simpler:
I matter, and you matter too.
I matter: I can speak up for myself.
You matter too: I listen and treat you with respect.
Assertiveness brings those two ideas together.
It doesn’t mean always getting your way or convincing the other person to agree with you. It means being able to express your side while also respecting theirs.
Benefits of Assertive Communication
Learning to communicate assertively can help children:
- express what they think, feel, want, and need
- speak up for themselves
- ask clearly for help or what they need
- set boundaries and say no
- handle disagreements more respectfully
- listen to another person’s point of view without automatically giving in
- feel more confident communicating in everyday social situations
Like other communication skills, assertiveness takes practice. Children may know what an assertive response sounds like but find it much harder to use one when they are upset, embarrassed, frustrated, or under pressure.
Breaking assertive communication down into specific skills can make it easier to learn and practice.
Assertive Communication for Kids: 10 Practical Skills to Teach
1. Start With “I”
When something goes wrong, children may start by talking about what the other person did:
“You never listen!”
“You’re so annoying!”
An I-statement helps them explain their own feelings and needs without immediately blaming the other person.
A useful structure is:
I feel… when… because… I would like…
For example:
“I feel upset when you take my things without asking because I can’t find them when I need them. I would like you to ask me first.”
Children don’t need to follow the formula perfectly. The important part is learning to explain how they feel, what happened, and what they would like to happen next.
Related resource: I-Statements (Examples & Worksheets)
2. Be Respectful but Firm
Being respectful doesn’t mean agreeing or giving in.
A child can listen to what someone else wants and still say:
“I understand, but I don’t want to do that.”
They can disagree, say no, or ask for something different while still treating the other person respectfully.
A simple way to explain this to kids is:
Respectful: I respect the other person.
Firm: I stand up for myself.
You can be both.
3. Describe What Happened, Not the Person
When children are upset, they may use labels:
“You’re rude.”
“You’re selfish.”
Instead, encourage them to describe what the person actually did.
Instead of “You’re rude,” they might say:
“You interrupted me while I was talking.”
A useful reminder is:
Talk about what someone DID, not what they ARE.
This makes the problem clearer without turning the message into a personal attack.
4. Listen to the Other Person
Assertive communication isn’t only about speaking up. It also means making room for the other person’s side.
Children can listen and try to understand what someone else is saying without having to agree with it.
For example:
“I understand why you wanted to do that, but I still don’t want to.”
An important message for kids is:
I can listen, understand, and still make my own choice.
Want a ready-to-use assertive communication activity pack? Get the Assertive Communication Workbook for Kids, a comprehensive printable resource including 80+ pages of worksheets, activities, real-life practice, and 10 practical assertive communication skills. No prep needed, just print and go!
5. Teach Kids That It’s Okay to Say No
Saying no is an important assertiveness skill.
Children can say no when someone asks them to do something they don’t want to do, something that makes them uncomfortable, or something they know isn’t right.
They can also speak up about their body, belongings, and personal space:
“No, I don’t want to do that.”
“Please don’t touch my hair.”
“Stop. I don’t like that.”
“Could you move back a little, please? I need some more space.”
Children don’t always need a long explanation. Sometimes a clear no or stop is enough.
6. Ask Clearly for What You Want or Need
Sometimes children explain the problem without actually saying what they want.
Compare:
“It’s too noisy!”
with:
“Could you please turn the music down?”
Or:
“This is too hard!”
with:
“Can you help me with this part?”
Help children practice turning a problem into a clear request. This gives the other person a better chance of understanding what they want or need.
7. Calm Down Before Speaking
When children are very angry, upset, frustrated, or overwhelmed, it can be harder to explain what they mean, listen, or think about what they want to say.
Taking a little time before responding can help.
A child might take some space, breathe slowly, count, move around, or simply wait until they feel ready to talk.
This isn’t about expecting children to be perfectly calm. It’s about helping them recognize when strong emotions are making communication harder.
8. Use a Clear, Confident Voice
A child’s voice can help make their message clear.
Encourage children to speak loudly enough to be heard without shouting.
You can practice by asking them to say the same sentence, such as “Can I have a turn next?”, first too quietly, then too loudly, and finally in a clear voice.
There isn’t one correct volume. A clear voice on a playground will sound different from a clear voice in a classroom.
9. Let Facial Expressions Support the Message
Facial expressions can give other people clues about how we feel and what we mean.
For example, smiling or laughing while saying “Please stop. I don’t like that” could make the message harder for the other person to understand.
It can be helpful for children to notice whether their facial expression supports what they are trying to communicate.
10. Let Body Language Support the Message
Body language can also support an assertive message.
A child might turn toward the person, look at them, and use a comfortable posture while speaking. These cues can help show that they mean what they are saying.
Assertive Communication Examples for Kids
Comparing passive, aggressive, and assertive responses can help children see the differences between the three communication styles.
Example 1: Joining a Game
A group of children is playing a game you would like to join.
Passive:
“I wish they would ask me to play.”
Aggressive:
“Move! I’m playing too.”
Assertive:
“That looks fun. Can I play too?”
Example 2: Someone Takes Your Belongings
Another child takes your pencil without asking.
Passive:
Say nothing, even though it bothers you.
Aggressive:
“Give it back! You’re so annoying!”
Assertive:
“Please ask before you take my things. I need my pencil back.”
These are examples, not scripts children need to memorize. There can be more than one good assertive response to the same situation.
Practice Assertiveness With Role-Play
Knowing what assertiveness looks like is one thing. Using it in a real situation takes practice.
Try role-playing a few situations your child may encounter, such as asking to join a game, saying no to a friend, asking for help, disagreeing with someone, or speaking up when another child takes something without asking.
Don’t look for one perfect response. Help children find words that are clear, respectful, and comfortable for them to use.
Assertive Communication Workbook for Kids (Printable Resource)
Want to go deeper? Check out the Assertive Communication Workbook for Kids in our shop. This 80+ page printable workbook is for ages 5–11 and covers everything from understanding communication styles to speaking up, setting boundaries, asking for what they need, and handling situations when speaking up doesn’t work, going much further than the free checklist below.
Teen Assertive Communication Workbook
If you work with teens, you might find these engaging worksheets and activities on assertive communication particularly useful. Through practical exercises and real-life scenarios, these resources empower teens to navigate social interactions more effectively.
Free Assertive Communication Checklist for Kids
Download the free Assertive Communication Checklist for Kids, with 10 simple reminders to help children speak up for themselves clearly and respectfully.
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