How Big Is My Problem: Learn how to help your child assess the size of their problems and guide them through simple problem-solving steps. At the end of the article, you can download a free How Big Is My Problem worksheet.
For many kids, small and big problems can feel surprisingly similar.
Losing a pencil can bring almost as much frustration as spilling juice on their favorite project, not because both are equally serious but because managing emotions takes time and practice.
If you think about it, it’s a big ask to expect children to match their reaction to our idea of how serious something is. Emotional control is still a developing skill, and there’s a lot happening beneath the surface. Growing abilities in emotional regulation, perspective-taking, and flexible thinking all play a part.
And of course, emotion intensity isn’t always tied to logic. Even adults sometimes react strongly to small frustrations before realizing they weren’t such a big deal after all.
Learning to notice how big or small a problem helps children take a step back, think clearly, and choose what to do next.
This isn’t about telling children not to feel upset. It’s about giving them tools to understand their feelings and use problem-solving strategies that match the situation.
How the “Size of My Problem” Concept Is Used in SEL
The idea of thinking about how big or small a problem is isn’t new. It’s something we all do naturally when we decide what needs our attention right now and what can wait.
In education and social–emotional learning, frameworks such as Social Thinking®, created by speech-language pathologist Michelle Garcia Winner, connected the concept of problem size to the size of an emotional reaction.
You might also recognize similar ideas in The Zones of Regulation®, a widely used self-regulation framework developed by Leah Kuypers.
While the original “How Big Is My Problem?” approach focuses on matching reactions to problem size, the version in this post takes a problem-solving perspective.
Instead of asking “Is my reaction too big?”, we ask, “What kind of problem is this, and what can I do about it?”
Deciding How Big Is My Problem
Understanding the size of a problem helps kids:
- Pause and think before reacting. (Self-regulation)
- Find solutions that actually work. (Problem-solving skills)
- Feel calmer because they know what to do next. (Coping skills)
- Keep trying, even when something feels tricky. (Resilience / Growth Mindset)
It encourages them to ask themselves questions like:
- How serious is this problem?
- Can I fix it myself?
- Do I need help? Is it something I can’t control right now?
The goal isn’t to tell kids not to feel upset. Feelings are good, they give us information.
The goal is to help them figure out what they can do next, so they can move from feeling upset to feeling calm, in control, and ready to take action.
So, how could we help them assess how big their problems are:
Small Problems
Small problems are usually things we can fix ourselves or with a simple action.
Examples:
- My pencil broke during class
- It started raining at playtime.
- I made a small mistake on my worksheet.
Questions to ask:
- Can I fix this on my own?
- What’s one thing I can do to make it better?
- Has something like this happened before? What helped last time?
- Can I stay calm and try again?
Medium Problems
Medium problems are situations that feel harder to handle alone. They may take more effort and sometimes need help or support from another person.
Examples:
- I had an argument with a friend
- I got a low grade
- I lost something important.
Questions to ask:
- What could I do to start fixing this?
- Have I tried more than one idea?
- What could I do differently next time?
- Who could I ask for help if I can’t solve it on my own?
- What kind of help do I need: advice, a hand, or just someone to listen?
Big Problems
Big problems are serious or out of our control. We can’t fix them alone, and we need help from an adult.
Examples:
- Someone gets hurt
- Bullying
- A family emergency.
Questions to ask:
- Who can I tell right now?
- What can I do to stay safe or feel a bit calmer while I wait?
Seeing Problems Through a Child’s Eyes
What feels small to us might feel much bigger to a child, and that’s okay.
Everyone’s experience is different. A “small” problem can still bring big feelings, and a “big” problem can sometimes be handled calmly when a child feels supported.
The important part isn’t deciding what the “right” size is.
What matters most is helping children notice what’s happening and figure out what they can do next, whether that means solving it themselves, asking for help, or finding a way to calm down.
What Can I Do About My Problem?
Once children know how big their problem is, the next step is deciding what to do about it.
The answer will depend on the situation. Some problems can be solved right away, some need help, and others just need time or support.
What to Do About Small Problems
Encourage kids to try solving these on their own first.
They can:
- Think of one or two ways to fix it, or try different solutions.
- Take a deep breath if they need to calm down first.
- Use the problem-solving steps: stop, think, choose, act.
- Try something that helped me last time.
What to Do About Medium Problems
Medium problems usually need a bit more thought or help.
They can:
- Talk it through with a friend or adult.
- Think of a few ideas and pick one to try.
- Take a short break to calm down before deciding what to do.
- Remember that it’s okay if solving it takes time.
- If one idea doesn’t work, try another. Mistakes help us learn too.
What to Do About Big Problems
Big problems need adult support and sometimes can’t be “fixed” right away.
Kids can learn that the best action is to reach out and stay safe.
They can:
- Tell a trusted adult what’s happening.
- If it’s an emergency, get help as fast as possible. Find a teacher, parent, or another safe adult.
- Focus on feeling safe and calm while others help.
- Use a coping strategy such as deep breathing, talking, drawing, or squeezing a stress toy.
- Remember that they’re not alone and that there are people who can help.
- Accept that sometimes there isn’t a quick fix, and that’s okay.
Other Problem-Solving Resources
Problem-Solving Workbooks:
Problem-Solving Articles
- 25 Fun Problem Solving Activities for Kids
- 31 Fun Conflict Resolution Activities for Kids (Printable PDF)
- 40 Teen Problem-Solving Activities, Games & Worksheets
- Stop Think Act Worksheets for Kids
Download “How Big Is My Problem?” Worksheet
Your free printable worksheet includes three levels of problems — small, medium, and big — to help children think through what kind of challenge they’re facing and what actions might help.
It’s a simple, visual tool that turns problem-sizing into practical problem-solving and can be used at home, in the classroom, or in counseling sessions.
I am excited to use this resource.
Thank you for your continued supportive materials.
Thank you for all of your resources. They are very helpful!
I appreciate this activity and am looking for activities to guide students in identifying the size of a given problem.